


Darkness

by ROCfan74



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/F, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-08-23 15:52:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16621907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ROCfan74/pseuds/ROCfan74
Summary: A discovery leads to unforseeable events that change the lives of Suvi and Sara forever.





	1. The Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> My second Andromeda fanfic :-)  
> Many, many thanks go to my friend The_Anwarrior again for beta-reading and for listening to my rants when I was frustrated and felt down. Your help and insight mean so much to me :-)

It was in the middle of the night and the Tempest was silently gliding through space.

Everyone was sound asleep except Suvi. Bad dreams kept her from finding the well-deserved rest after a hard day of work, and so she decided to get up. She was careful not to wake Sara who was sleeping like a rock.

She grabbed a cup of tea in the galley and sat down underneath one of the windows in the meeting room. She loved the peace and quiet and she loved looking at the stars of Andromeda.

She still couldn’t believe she was here. Her dream had come true when she received the message that the Initiative had accepted her application to join. She hadn’t thought she could get even luckier, but then she had gotten the news that the Initiative had assigned her to the Tempest, the ship of the human Pathfinder.

A light smile crossed her lips. The human Pathfinder: Sara Ryder. Falling in love with this incredible woman was the least she had expected. She had come to Andromeda for science, but she had found her true love.

Everything about Sara was perfect. Her strength, her sense of humor, her self-confidence, the way she made her feel special, her little presents. Suvi looked at the necklace the Pathfinder had given her a few months ago. She turned the little rock in her hand. It was the most beautiful gift she had ever received and she only took it off when she was in the shower.

Suvi took a sip from her cup and thought about the coming day. The Tempest’s orders were to investigate the theft of water from the main water source on Elaaden. It was a routine task, one they got every other day. There were still raiders out there and they didn’t expect to get rid of them anytime soon.

She could already see Elaaden in the distance. Suvi was always glad she never had to leave the Tempest when they were on the planet, because if there was one thing she couldn’t stand it was heat. The Krogans seemed to love it though since they had made Elaaden their new homeworld.

Suvi emptied her cup and thought about going back to bed, when a light twinkle near the planet caught her eye. She squeezed her eyes shut to recognize more, but it was no use. She would have a look at it later when they were closer. She decided to stay a bit longer and got lost in thoughts again.

* * *

When Sara entered the bridge in full gear a few hours later Suvi was already sitting in her chair pushing all kinds of buttons on her console.

Sara was disappointed to find the other side of her bed empty when she had woken up, but she had guessed that Suvi couldn’t sleep and got up early.

The Scot had trouble sleeping ever since the incident with Reyes Vidal. It had gotten better, because she was talking to Lexi about it, but every now and then it still got to her in her sleep. There was only a faint scar left where he had shot her, but the inner wounds took longer to heal.

“Hey,” Sara greeted her smiling when she approached the redhead. “I missed you.” She kissed her love on the forehead when she stood beside her.

“I know. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t sleep anymore and so I got up tonight and the time flew by so fast that it wasn’t worth going to bed anymore.” The redhead threw a glance at Kallo who was side eyeing the two.

Sara laughed. “Don’t worry, Kallo. We’ll behave.”

The Salarian grumbled something and paid attention to his console again. Sara didn’t know why, but somehow he had problems with her and Suvi flirting or showing affection to each other. Maybe it was a Salarian thing or he was too professional and thought it didn’t belong in the workplace.

Sara walked over to the star map to enter the landing coordinates on Elaaden.

“Ok, let’s hunt some raiders… again,” she remarked dryly, weariness obvious in her voice.

“Arriving in Elaaden in approximately eight minutes,” Kallo stated.

“Ryder to Harper, Drack and Vetra. We’re approaching Elaaden, see you at the cargo bay in five.” Sara turned to leave when Suvi’s voice held her back.

“Wait, Ryder! Look!” She pointed at the screen.

Sara gasped when she saw it, too. “What is that?”

Suvi’s hands swirled over her console, but all she could say was: “It looks like a planet.”

Sara, Suvi and Kallo were staring at the screen in confusion and fascination. In front of Elaaden there was a small planet, that hadn’t been there before.

“Send a probe,” Sara immediately ordered.

“Probe launched,” Suvi replied and the three of them watched the technical device enter the atmosphere of the planet.

“This is insane,” the science officer remarked with excitement in her voice, when the first results came in. “The readings are totally confusing. It seems to be a planet, but it has not the characteristics of one.”

“What do you mean?” Sara inquired.

“That probably sounds strange, but the planet seems to be in constant motion, but not like other planets. There’s no pattern.” Suvi paused a second to then drop the bomb: “Sara, there is no matter, no mass, no core. There’s nothing, but at the same time it is there.”

“How can this be?” Sara asked hoping for answers.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like that.”

“SAM?” Maybe the AI knew more about it.

“Dr. Anwar has perfectly described the phenomena. I can’t help you, Pathfinder.”

Sara pondered what to do. She was the Pathfinder and this was a new planet.

“I guess the raiders can wait a day longer. There’s a fucking planet that has appeared out of nowhere and I wanna know what’s going on.”

“Sara, the scans show that it has a high-oxygen atmosphere and there’s also H²O.”

Ryder’s confusion got bigger with every new discovery they made. “Wait, what? I thought there is nothing?”

“There _is_ nothing, but the planet is still there. It’s totally mind blowing. You’d even be able to land on it.”

“Without mass?”

“Yes, it’s incredible.” The science officer’s eyes were shining with excitement.

Sara took a deep breath before announcing: “Then let’s head down there and see what else we’ll find on it.”

Suvi and Kallo exchanged shocked looks.

“Wait Sara, you can’t just go down there.” Excitement had made place for worry. “We don’t have enough information to know that it’s safe.”

Sara sighed. “So, what’s your suggestion?”

The science officer slightly shrugged her shoulders. “We need more data.”

“Harper to Ryder, are you coming or what?” Cora suddenly inquired over Sara’s omni-tool.

“Our plans have changed. Standby.” Sara looked at the screen and watched the planet in front of Elaaden. It was fascinating, because planets didn’t develop in such a short time. She wanted to find out more about it.

“Ok, we know that it has a breathable atmosphere and that there’s water. What about the temperature?”

“It’s twenty-two degrees Celsius.” Suvi answered.

“Any life signs?”

“No.”

“Perfect conditions then.” Sara understood that Suvi was worried because of her, but she also knew that their relationship couldn’t interfere with her duties as Pathfinder and director Tann had already expressed his disapproval of it.

“I’m going down.” Before Suvi could complain, Sara added: “We’ll take the shuttle to get a closer look. If there is just the slightest hint of trouble we’ll return.”

Suvi looked down at her console. Sometimes she hated being the girlfriend of the Pathfinder, but she also hated herself for being so worried all the time. Sara could handle herself just fine. She had defeated the Archon, the biggest threat in Andromeda and she could handle exploring a new planet.

Sara noticed Suvi’s troubled expression and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll be ok.” Sara said in a low, assuring voice.

Suvi nodded and looked at her with warm eyes. “I know.”

Turning to the Salarian pilot Sara ordered: “Kallo, keep the Tempest in close range, just in case.” She looked at Suvi then back at Kallo. “It’s best you ignore us for a second now.”

The pilot rolled his eyes. “Here it comes.”

Sara and Suvi chuckled and then Sara bent down to kiss her girlfriend. It was a short but tender kiss. “I’ll be back soon.”

* * *

Ten minutes later, after Sara had briefed her crew about the new mission, the shuttle had started towards the newly discovered planet.

Two months ago Sara hadn’t been too pleased to hear that director Tann had allotted a shuttle to the Tempest. With the Nomad the cargo bay was already crowded enough and the alterations to accommodate it had taken days.

Now however, Sara was glad and thankful that she had the possibility to take the shuttle. She knew that Tann’s intention was to protect the expensive space ship from damage, but her thoughts were with the crew members on the ship who weren’t trained to fight like Gil, Kallo and Suvi.

Of all planets they had visited, Kadara was the one she liked the least to land on. It was full of raiders and outlaws and every time they had a mission there she was worried that a gang might storm the ship when she was busy elsewhere.

“What do the sensors say?” Sara inquired when they were getting closer to the surface of the planet.

“I can’t tell honestly. The data keeps changing, but I’ve not detected anything dangerous,” she heard Suvi answer over comm.

“Well, bring us down then, Cora.”

The shuttle was shaking when it entered the atmosphere.

“Prepare for landing,” Cora stated while steering the shuttle to the landing site.

It was a smooth landing and when the door slid open the three women gasped in awe. Drack kept silent and glanced around for signs of trouble.

“It’s beautiful,” Vetra remarked.

Sara didn’t know what they had expected, but the sight overwhelmed her. There was a rich vegetation; trees and flowers in all colors, rocks in all sizes and a little creek was flowing not far from where they had landed. Ryder closed her eyes and inhaled the air filled with a floral and woody fragrance. She then let her eyes wander and discovered a waterfall in the distance.

“SAM what can you tell us?”

“Pathfinder, I get contradictory readings. All that is here is… not here.”

Sara frowned and kneeled down to pick up a little stone. She turned it in her hand and had a close look at it. “I feel it. It is a solid stone.”

“I don’t know, kid. I don’t like it.” Drack mumbled. “Everything that looks too good to be true usually is.”

Sara nodded in agreement. “Let’s look around. Stay sharp.”

The squad split up to examine their surroundings. Vetra and Drack headed to a group of trees, while Sara and Cora wanted to have a closer look at the waterfall.

“I can’t believe all this. Where did this planet come from?” Cora turned around in a circle to take in everything around her. “It’s amazing.”

Sara smiled. “It is. It almost feels like home, doesn’t it?”

Cora turned to her again. “You think we could inhabit it?”

Sara shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe, but let’s find out more first. Take as many samples as possible.”

“Understood.” Cora replied and headed towards a flower that had caught her eye.

Sara threw a quick glance over to Vetra and Drack who were busy studying a tree and then continued her way to the waterfall.

  
“Look at the colors of the leaves,” Vetra marveled. “There are at least two dozens of different colors in one leaf. It’s fascinating.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Drack grumbled, his eyes darting around eager to spot something suspicious.

“Oh Drack, you need to relax a bit.” Vetra laughed.

“There’s enough time to relax when I’m dead. I don’t like this place, something--“

“Whoa, did you just see that?” Vetra interrupted him.

Drack glanced at her with a questioning look. “What?”

She pointed at a spot on the ground a few meters from them. Drack shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what she was talking about.

“The rock. There was a rock and now it’s gone. It just disappeared in front of my eyes.”

The Krogan frowned, but then he witnessed it. A little yellow flower was disappearing right in front of him. Vetra saw it too and the two exchanged worried glances.

“I don’t like this. I think we should get Ryder and Cora,” she suggested.

* * *

Back at the Tempest Suvi was carefully monitoring the data she received from the sensors of the squad’s omni-tools when something abnormal caught her eye. She frowned at the data and glimpsed over to Kallo.

“My readings are bizarre. The planet seems to destabilize.”

Kallo nodded. “Yes, I see it, too. I’ve never seen anything comparable.”

Suvi’s frown deepened when she went over the data again. “Something’s wrong.”

“There definitely is,” Kallo replied pointing at the screen. “Look.” His eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

When Suvi noticed what Kallo was talking about a cold shiver ran down her spine. There, right before her eyes the planet was vanishing. A little part was already gone and it looked like it wouldn’t take long until the rest of it would disappear as well.

Her pulse began to race and her breathing became hectic.

“Tempest to ground team. Return to the ship immediately! Imminent danger! I repeat return to the ship immediately!”

“Copy that,” she heard Sara respond and she was glad to hear her voice.

“What’s going on?” Peebee had left her quarters to investigate what made the science officer so worked up.

“Woah, what is happening?” She remarked when she saw the dissolving planet.

Suvi didn’t reply anything. She was too concentrated on her breathing. Half of the planet was already gone and the squad was still down there.

“Tempest to ground team. You don’t have much time! Return at once!” There was no answer and panic began to swell inside her. She glanced at Kallo with fearful eyes.

“There’s the shuttle!” Peebee suddenly shouted.

Suvi and Kallo sighed in relief when they spotted the shuttle heading towards them.

“Thank God.” Suvi whispered a slow smile erased the creases between her brows.

* * *

Cora was putting a flower in one of the science bags when she all of a sudden saw one of the flowers disappear. She shook her head and laughed in disbelief. She didn’t just see that, her eyes were playing tricks on her she was certain of it. She wanted to continue with her work, when her omni-tool lit up.

“Vetra to Harper and Ryder,” she heard the Turian say. “Something strange is going on here. Rocks and flowers are vanishing.”

“I saw it, too.” Cora replied realizing that her eyes hadn’t played any tricks on her after all.

“Okay, people, I guess it’s better to head back to the shuttle. I’ve just seen a whole tree fade into nothing.”

Cora’s eyes darted around. She had heard Sara’s voice over her omni-tool, but she couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Where are you?” She inquired.

“I’m on my way. I’ll be right there.”

“Tempest to ground team. Return to the ship immediately! Imminent danger! I repeat return to the ship immediately!” Suvi’s urging voice left all four squad members on high alert. When Cora arrived at the shuttle, Vetra and Drack were already waiting for her.

“Where’s Ryder?” Drack asked when he noticed that Cora was alone.

“She should be here any minute,” Cora replied looking into the direction she had last seen the Pathfinder.

“Suvi sent another warning.” Vetra shook her head. “There’s some weird shit going on here.”

“There she is!” Drack exclaimed.

Vetra and Cora turned and sighted the Pathfinder sprinting towards them.

“Finally. Get ready.” Cora sat down in the piloting chair and threw on the engines of the shuttle.

“Fuck!” Vetra’s eyes grew wide. “That’s not good.”

“What? What are you talking…” Cora didn’t finish her sentence the moment she detected it: An invisible force swallowed everything behind Sara and left – nothing. It had almost caught up to the Pathfinder who was running for her life now.

“SARA RUN!” Cora suddenly heard herself yell in panic.

Vetra and Drack started shouting, too.

Sara wasn’t far from the shuttle anymore when it happened. Cora didn’t even know how it happened; everything went on so fast, but she watched the Pathfinder lose her footing. From now on the events seemed to move in slow-motion: Sara standing up, her starting to run again – just to be caught up by the force. Drack, Vetra and Cora witnessed the Pathfinder, their friend vanish into thin air in front of their eyes. They stood in horror, not able to move or say anything until Cora finally snapped out of it.

“WE HAVE TO GO!”

The shuttle took off and left the planet’s atmosphere just in time. A few minutes later the planet was completely gone. Cora’s hands were shaking as she tried to enter the coordinates of the Tempest. The depressing silence did its best to torture her. Sara’s terrified face appeared before her inner eye. They didn’t even have a chance to help her and she died; she just died. Her eyes were gathering with tears, but she didn’t want the others to see them so she blinked them away. She was the Pathfinder’s second in command; she had to keep her composure for herself and the others. She turned and watched Drack putting an arm around Vetra who was silently crying.

* * *

The Tempest crew had gathered in the cargo bay to await the squad’s arrival. Everyone was eager to learn more about the odd planet which had appeared and disappeared in a short amount of time.

Liam and Jaal were listening to Peebee’s remarks about what she had seen on the bridge and Suvi was cheerfully showing Gil the data they had already collected. The shuttle came into sight and slowly maneuvered towards the ramp. It came to a stop in front of an energy field that separated the cargo bay from space and only when the ramp was closed completely, the field turned off to let the shuttle continue its way into the cargo bay to land.

When the shuttle door slid open Suvi ran towards it, her eyes glued to her omni-tool. She was excited to tell her girlfriend about the latest data.

“Sara! You have to look at this,” she called and waited for the Pathfinder to leave the shuttle.

Drack left it first, followed by Vetra and eventually Cora.

Lexi was the first one to notice that something wasn’t right. The faces of the squad members reflected grief, consternation and disbelief. A gut feeling told her to head over to Suvi who also noticed the distraught faces now.

“Sara?” Suvi tried to catch a glimpse of the inside of the shuttle, but the three crew members stood in the way.

“Suvi--“ Cora began in a low voice, but was cut off immediately.

“Sara?” Suvi pushed pass Cora and Vetra and glanced into an empty shuttle. She turned to face them. “Where’s Sara?”

Cora swallowed hard and bowed her head. “Suvi, I think you should--”

“WHERE’S SARA!” Suvi now yelled, tears filling her eyes.

Gil, Liam, Jaal and Peebee were watching the scene, already sensing that something terrible must have happened.

“I’m so sorry, Suvi.” Cora couldn’t hold back her own tears any longer. “It happened so fast...” Her voice broke. “She’s gone.”

Suvi shook her head frantically, a manic smile crossing her lips. “No. No she’s not. You’re just taking the piss out of me.”

She looked into the shuttle again.

“Sara, come out. That’s not funny.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks.

“It’s not funny,” she repeated hardly audible. She fell to her knees as the realization hit her like a blow to the gut. Sobs wracked her body, robbing it of the ability to speak – barely allowing a breath to be drawn. Lexi sat down to her, pulling her into a comforting embrace. She too was crying.

* * *

Darkness. That’s all there was: Darkness.

She was weightless, floating and silence surrounded her.

“SAM?” Sara didn’t hear her words. She wasn’t even sure she had spoken them. They only echoed in her head. There was no answer. An oppressive feeling started to sneak up on her. Where was she? Was she dead? The last thing she remembered was the antsy sensation when she got hit by – whatever it was. She also remembered Drack and Vetra’s shocked faces when it happened. If this was heaven she didn’t like it one bit.

“SAM?” She tried to call the AI again, but he didn’t reply. “Is there anyone? Cora? Drack? Vetra?”

In the distance she suddenly saw a flicker, then another one until bright flashes in all colors and shapes were flaring and moving towards her fast.

She reached for her gun, but it was gone. She was scared. This was a nightmare and she hoped to wake up from it soon.

She held up a hand to shield her eyes as the flashes reached her and were surrounding her in quick movements.

Her stomach clenched and her eyes darted around maniacally, looking for an escape.

Her whole body began to tremble and a terrible headache shot through her head when she suddenly heard a voice in her mind.

_'What is it?’_ The voice asked and Sara grimaced with pain. It was a penetrating, jarring tone that reminded her of fingernails scratching along a blackboard.

One of the flashes blast right through her and she screamed without hearing it. She had never felt a comparable pain. It got worse when the voice spoke again:

_'It is liquid.’_

She didn’t know what it felt like when someone’s head exploded, but she guessed it had to feel just like she did right now, because the voice began to mumble and one voice became many voices and soon they were all over the place. Sara couldn’t take it much longer. The pain got unbearable.

“SHUT UP!” She yelled in desperation, but it didn’t work. The voices were still there. She felt tears gathering in her eyes. She had never been tortured before, but this had to be worse.

_'Please be quiet,’_ she thought and the voices stopped at once.


	2. Don't Give Up

Day 1

Lexi was quietly leaving the Pathfinder’s quarters to get some tea in the galley. It was very early in the morning and she didn’t expect to meet someone there, but Cora was sitting at the table staring at a cup of coffee.

When Lexi entered she looked up, her red and swollen eyes apparent. Lexi glanced at her sympathetically. She prepared herself a cup of tea, before she inquired: “May I?” She pointed at the other chair at the table.

Cora nodded.

“How long have you been up?” Lexi wanted to know.

“I haven’t slept.” Cora replied dryly and took a sip from her cup.

Lexi sighed. “Me neither.”

“How is she?” Cora asked looking into the direction of the Pathfinder’s quarters.

“She finally fell asleep about half an hour ago. I had to give her a light sedative.” Lexi slightly shook her head. “She’s never stopped crying. She got sick twice, but she’s never stopped crying.”

The Asari closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. “Cora, I’m worried. How will she go on? Sara’s all she had.”

“She’s got us,” Cora immediately protested. “Suvi’s strong. She’ll pull through.”

Lexi recognized a hint of doubt in Cora’s eyes, but she didn’t say anything. “I hope you’re right.”

“How are _you?_ ” She now asked.

Cora took a deep breath. “I don’t know. It still seems like a bad dream.” She closed her eyes. “I can’t get her face out of my head. She was terrified, Lexi.”

Lexi put a comforting hand on Cora’s arm. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

Cora nodded, appreciating Lexi’s offer.

She thought about the others. It had been a terrible day and each crew member had reacted differently to the horrible news of Ryder’s death. While Jaal had wanted to be alone to process the news, Peebee had spent her time with Drack and Vetra, listening to their explanation of the events. Gil and Kallo had gone back to work to distract themselves and Liam had vandalized his room. Everyone was processing and coping individually, but Cora was aware that it would take time to fully realize what had happened and that their friend wouldn’t return. She had shortly talked to Vetra who was devastated, but she had assured her that she would be fine.

As for herself, she had cried when she was alone, but she knew that time would heal those wounds too. She had already lost close friends and she always managed to go on – she had to. She wasn’t so sure about Suvi though, despite what she had just told Lexi. They would need to be there for her and she thought about one person in particular. Yesterday, after the first shock had worn off she had called Scott, who had started working for Nexus security a month ago. He was Sara’s brother and he deserved to learn about Sara’s death before she told director Tann. Watching him struggle to keep composure had been painful, but she had wanted to be the one who told him and not some personnel from the Initiative.  
He and Suvi had both lost the person they loved most and maybe the comfort they could spend each other would help them. It was worth a try and Director Tann had ordered the Tempest back to the Nexus anyway when she had told him about what had happened. He had been furious, because again – as he said – the Pathfinder had disobeyed direct orders which had been to neutralize the raiders on Elaaden. He called it a disaster for the Initiative; another Pathfinder dead. He had told her that she was Sara’s successor and that was the moment she had turned off the screen. She knew that he was right, but it was the least she wanted to think about now.

Cora was so lost in thoughts that Lexi’s voice startled her when she said: “I think it’s better I get back. I don’t want her to wake up alone.”

A faint smile appeared on Cora’s face and she nodded.

“Please come and talk to me if you need to,” Lexi honestly proposed.

She had almost left the galley when she stopped in her tracks.  

“I almost forgot: Have you been able to reach SAM?”

Cora shook her head. “No, it seems we have lost him, too.”

Lexi left with a frown on her face.

* * *

The door to Sara’s quarters slid open and Lexi was glad to see Suvi still sleeping. She pulled over a chair and sat beside her. It didn’t take long and she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. Exhaustion had taken its toll on her.

An hour later Suvi’s voice woke her up.

“Sara?” Suvi was tossing and turning, tortured by a nightmare. “Sara! Sara, no!”

Lexi sat down on the bed, gently shaking her shoulder. “Shh, it’s okay. Wake up.”

Suvi sat upright in bed, the blurred scenes of Sara dying from her dreams fading. She glanced around in confusion and felt the other side of the bed. When she found it empty she knew that it hadn’t just been a dream. She glanced at Lexi with sad eyes.

“She’s gone. She’s really gone.”

She threw herself in Lexi’s arms and broke down sobbing. Lexi rocked her gently, stroking her hair. She knew that a very difficult time was waiting for Suvi.

* *  *

The flashes danced in wild movements around Sara’s body. I was beautiful, but at the same time terrifying.

_'It speaks.’_ The voice shrieked and Sara winced in pain.

“Please stop talking, it hurts.” Sara’s words didn’t do any good, because the voice was still there.

_‘It shall speak again,’_ the voice demanded and suddenly Sara understood. These flashes, the voice only communicated through telepathy.

_‘Please stop talking, it hurts me.”_ She tried and for a moment the voice kept quiet, but not for long.

_‘What is it?’_ The voice inquired.

The new pain threatened to cripple Sara.

_‘What is? Hurt?’_ Before the voice could respond anything she quickly added: _‘It’s a feeling. A horrible feeling.’_

There was silence for a moment almost as if the voice was thinking about what Sara had just explained.

_‘Does this hurt?’_ The voice suddenly asked in a completely different, but much more pleasant tone.

Sara smiled. _‘No, no this is perfect. Thank you.’_

A peculiar flash was appearing in front of her eyes now and she squeezed them shut. It changed its color from red to yellow, to green and back to red again.

_'What does it want?’_ The entity wanted to know.

It took a lot of concentration to not switch between thinking and talking.

_‘I’m a Pathfinder. My name is Sara Ryder.’_ There was no reaction and so she continued: _‘I was on this weird planet and the next thing I know I ended up here. What is this place?’_

The flashes began to encircle her. _‘No planet. It disrupted our “nerat”.’_

Sara frowned. _‘What’s a “nerat”?’_ she asked and suddenly all of the flashes gathered in front of her forming an orb.

It began to shine so bright that she had to close her eyes. When she dared to eventually open them, the orb and the flashes were gone and she was surrounded by darkness again. Panic began to swell within her and her chest grew so tight that it became hard to breathe.

_‘Where are you? Come back! Please come back!’_ Her begging went unheeded.

 

Day 7

Cora and Scott were standing at the door in Sara’s quarters. Their worried faces watched the frail curled up figure in Sara’s bed.

“She’s been like that since Sara…” Cora let out a sigh, gazing up at the young man beside her.“ She hardly eats anything and she hasn’t taken a shower.”

Cora’s plan to get Suvi and Scott talk to each other hadn’t worked out the way she had wished. When they arrived at the Nexus Suvi didn’t want to see anyone, not even Sara’s brother and she didn’t leave the ship once. She barely left her quarters anymore and only to go to the bathroom. Cora had decided to give her a bit more time. Lexi had told her that it was part of the grieving process, but it had been seven days and she began to seriously worry about her.

Scott seemed to cope quite well and Cora admired his strength. Of course it was obvious that he too was suffering, but it didn’t break him which was astounding considering he had also lost his father recently. The only one he had left was his mother who was still in cryo waiting for a cure for her disease and there was no guarantee that they would find one at all.

“I’ll talk to her,” Scott whispered putting a comforting hand on Cora’s shoulder.

She felt their preying glances in her neck, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything anymore. Why should she? The woman who meant the world to her was dead and would never come back – never. What was her life worth now? Sara made her complete, her love meant everything to her. She was tired and she hoped to fade away. She was an empty shell anyway; nothing was left of herself.

She heard him come closer and when he sat down on the bed she squeezed her eyes shut.

“Hey,” Scott said in a low voice. He wrinkled his nose in disgust when he smelled the unpleasant odor of a body that hadn’t been washed for a week.

Suvi rolled over turning her back to him. “Leave me alone,” she managed; her voice toneless.

Scott threw a questioning glance at Cora who shrugged her shoulders.

"Suvi, we’re worried about you,” Scott tried again. He moved closer and put a hand on her shoulder. “Please, let us--”

He couldn’t finish his sentence as Suvi suddenly turned around facing him with glaring eyes.

“I said leave me alone!” she hissed.

“And then what?” Scott huffed. “Leave you, so you can let yourself starve to death?”

“Yeah, why not?” was Suvi’s prompt answer.

Scott shook his head in disbelief, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. “Do you think Sara would want that?”

“Stop it!”

“NO! Sara loved you. She’d be devastated to see you like this.”

Suvi covered her ears, new tears gathering in her red and swollen eyes.

Scott grabbed her arms more harshly than he intended, but he wanted her to listen.

“Sara wouldn’t want you to give up!”

Suvi closed her eyes shaking her head. She didn’t want to hear it.

“You’re not the only one who lost her!” He said in a loud voice, his frustration obvious.

“We all miss her! _I_ miss her!” He paused. “She was my sister!” His voice broke and he let go of Suvi’s arms. “She was my sister,” he repeated in a whisper and he began to sob, tears flowing down his cheeks.

Something inside Suvi clicked. She watched Sara’s brother break down in front of her and the only thing that felt right was to take him into her arms, holding him tight. She couldn’t control herself any longer and she too burst into tears.

“I loved her. I loved her so much.” She whispered into Scott’s shoulder, sobs choking off her voice. “How could she just leave me?”

Cora watched Suvi and Scott crying and clinging to each other and she knew that it was a start.

 

 


	3. Goodbye/In Trouble

Day 14

The door chime was beeping for the third time now and Suvi was staring at the door reluctant to open it. She had been dressed for an hour, wearing the formal blue and white Initiative uniform. She knew it was time to go, but she was scared. It was Sara’s memorial service and she had no idea how to get through it.

She clutched the necklace underneath her shirt, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She pushed the button and the door slid open to reveal Peebee, who surprisingly was also dressed a bit more formal.

“Scott sends me. The service starts in ten minutes. Are you ready?” She asked with a compassionate look.

Suvi bowed her head.

No. No, she was not ready.  
She was not ready to say goodbye to the woman she loved more than anything.  
She was not ready to live her life without her.  
She was not ready to go back to work tomorrow and pretend everything was going to be ok.

“Yes,” she replied forcing a brave smile.

The memorial service was held in the Pathfinder Headquarters. Director Tann was standing in front of his desk on the upper tier, beside him, Foster Addison. On the left there were the Turian Pathfinder Avitus Rix, the Salarian Pathfinder Lumont Hayjer and the Asari Pathfinder Sarissa Theris. The Tempest crew was seated in two rows on the middle tier at the bottom of the ramp that led up to Tann’s desk. Suvi was sitting in the front row between Lexi and Cora.

Director Tann had been talking for almost ten minutes praising Sara, saying how much he appreciated her work as Pathfinder, how important she had been to the Initiative, how thankful he was that she had found Meridian and what a loss her death was. It was a farce. Suvi knew that he never really liked Sara, because she was the only one who had dared to go against his orders.  
When he finally finished his speech it was the other Pathfinders’ turn to share their anecdotes about the Human Pathfinder.

Suvi noticed Lexi wiping away tears with a handkerchief and she heard whimpers coming from the row behind her. Was it Vetra or Peebee? She had no idea and to be honest she didn’t care. Everything seemed so surreal and hollow. She struggled to not drift off, to keep her mind in the here and now.

Cora noticed her fight and put a hand onto hers, squeezing it gently. She glanced at her with sympathetic eyes.

When the Pathfinders had finished, director Tann asked Scott to share something about his sister. Scott joined Tann on the upper tier rubbing the back of his neck.

“I wish I wouldn’t have to stand up here,” he began. He was lost in thoughts for an instant before he continued. “Everyone who worked with, or was friends with Sara knows what a loving and compassionate woman she was.”  
He swallowed dryly, unable to wet his parched throat.“ For me she was the best sister one can have.”  
He looked down wringing his hands. “When we were little she always told me that she’d achieve something special one day and she did.”  
He let his eyes wander over the Tempest crew. “What she did here in Andromeda is beyond words.”  
His eyes stopped at Suvi.

“Sara was proud of herself, but she told me not long ago, that there was one thing that was more important to her than saving the galaxy or being the Pathfinder…” Scott glanced at Suvi and a smile worked its way across his face, a single tear running down his cheek. “It was love.”

Suvi’s lower lip trembled and her eyes were filling with tears.

“Suvi,” he now addressed her personally “she loved you with all her heart.”

It was too much. Suvi broke down sobbing and Scott ran towards her, pulling her into an embrace, holding her. The other crew members watched the scene sympathetically; Peebee and Lexi were also crying.

Director Tann had many traits, but compassion and sensitivity weren’t part of them and he proved it the moment he began to speak.

“Dear colleagues, let me take this occasion to make an announcement.”

The Tempest crew and the other Pathfinders were irritated and exchanged confused looks; except Scott who was still comforting Suvi.

“Sara Ryder was an excellent Pathfinder, but we are in need of a new one...”

A murmur went through the crowd and all eyes were glued on director Tann.

“That’s why I hereby declare Cora Harper the new Human Pathfinder. Congratulations.” He began to clap while everyone else was staring at him in shock.

Scott glanced questioningly at Cora who just shrugged her shoulders. Of course she knew that she would get the position eventually, but she had no idea it would be like this.

Suvi freed herself of Scott’s embrace. Her hands were trembling and she felt sick to her stomach. A hard knot constricted her throat making it hard to breathe. She had to get out of here, she needed air and so she ran and stopped only when she was back in Sara’s quarters on the Tempest.

She leaned her back against the door and closed her eyes, trying to breathe steadily again.  
When she opened her eyes, she glanced at a framed picture of Sara, which stood on the nightstand beside the bed. In the picture Sara was wearing her N7 gear and she held her Mattock rifle in her right hand. A big smile was on her face and in her blue eyes, a twinkle.

Suvi walked over and picked it up. “Why, Sara?” Tears stung in her eyes and on her cheek. “Why did you leave me?”  
She felt anger flashing through her and her hands were shaking.  
“You said you’d always come back to me.” A teardrop fell onto the picture.  
“WHY’D YOU LIE TO ME? WHY?” She now yelled throwing the picture against the ship models on the wall. The model of the Normandy SR-2 came crashing down and the glass of the framed picture shattered into many pieces.

Realizing what she had done Suvi rushed over and picked it up from the floor. She removed bits of broken glass and noticed that there was a little scratch in the middle of the picture. “I'm so sorry.” She took the picture and held it close to her heart. “Please forgive me.” She sat down surrounded by shards of glass and started weeping.

* * *

Day 40

Cora was getting used to her new job as Pathfinder. It was everything she had ever wished and trained for. She hated the circumstances however that had given her the assignment. If she had had a choice, she would’ve chosen Sara over the job anytime. She didn’t have a choice though, and now she had ordered Kallo to fly to Eos, because the colonists of Prodromos had sent a distress call. The Kett were rising again and made living on the planet unsafe.

When they reached the orbit, Cora turned to Suvi. “Are there any Kett ships in the orbit?”

The science officer stared at her, but didn’t react and Cora repeated her question.

"What?” Suvi finally replied.

Cora let out a sigh. Suvi had been inattentive and absent-minded ever since she had begun to work again. Had it been too soon? Cora had talked to director Tann about it, but he didn’t want to listen. He had lectured her that Suvi wasn’t a close relative of Sara Ryder and that the protocol explicitly stated that only ten days of mourning time was to be granted for a person who was not related to the deceased, but had been in a relationship with them. Cora wouldn’t have given a damn about the protocol, if she hadn’t wanted to keep her new job.

“Are there any Kett ships, Suvi?” Cora once again inquired. If SAM had been available she would’ve asked him to double check, but SAM had died the moment Sara did, and although the technicians on Meridian were working on a solution, it would take a while.

Suvi’s fingers swirled over the console. “No,” she stated. “No Kett ships.”

Kallo was watching the scene with a worried face. He too had noticed Suvi not being herself since Ryder’s death.

“Harper to Nyx and Kosta. Get ready, we’ll take the shuttle in five.” Cora turned and walked over to the escape pod room, Peebee’s room. She knocked a few times, before Peebee cared to open.

“We’ll leave in five, are you coming?” Cora asked and then left the bridge, followed by the Asari who had a grin on her face and shortly waved before the door closed behind her.

Suvi and Kallo watched the shuttle leave and head for Eos. Everything went according to plan when suddenly, a single Kett warship decloaked not far from the shuttle.

“Oh my God!” Suvi glanced at Kallo with a frightened face. “Shite!”

“You said there weren’t any ships,” Kallo yelled at her.

“I know. There weren’t.” The truth was she didn’t know.

There was panic in Kallo's voice as he said: “We have to do something. One hit from that thing and the shuttle is dust.”

“Pathfinder to Tempest,” they suddenly heard Cora over comm. “What the fuck is going on?”

Suvi’s threw her hands up in despair. Her head was spinning and she was unable to think.

“They’ve locked weapons on the shuttle,” Kallo was speaking faster than he normally did.

Suvi took a deep breath. “Focus,” she whispered to herself and an idea came to her mind. There was a chance, it was risky, but it was a chance.

“Bring us between the ship and the shuttle,” she dictated.

“What? Are you out of your mind?” Kallo stared at her with big eyes.

“We have full shields. We can take one hit…”

“But…”

“Let me finish,” she pleaded. “If they fire at us, Cora can make it to the planet and it gives the ground defenses enough time to target the ship.”

Kallo frowned thinking about it. “This could work. This could actually work,” he replied. “Setting course now.”

“Prepare for impact!” she ordered over comm to warn the remaining crew. “No time to explain,” she quickly added.

The Tempest came to a stop between the two ships just in time. Suvi had the feeling an earthquake was shaking the ship when the torpedo hit it. She grasped the armrests of her chair and flinched when her console sent out sparks.

“Shields at thirty percent.” Kallo proclaimed. “We can’t take another hit.”

“What the hell is going on up there?” They heard Gil shout over comm.

Suvi didn’t have the patience or the nerves to deal with him right now. They had to leave as fast as possible. She studied her console.

“The shuttle’s entered the atmosphere of Eos,” she said and was relieved. “Let’s get out of here.”

The Tempest accelerated and was out of reach of the Kett vessel in no time.

“Eos ground defenses are targeting the Kett ship,” Kallo exclaimed happily. They watched from a safe distance how several missiles hit the warship and in doing so forced it to retreat into space.

Kallo shook his head with a smile on his face. “That was close.”

* * *

Two hours later Cora was pacing up and down in front of Suvi who sat on a chair in Cora’s quarters, which were still the bio lab. Suvi had offered her to take the Pathfinder’s quarters, but she had declined, explaining that it was too big. Suvi wasn’t dumb. She knew that Cora didn’t want her to have to leave Sara’s quarters.

“This is unacceptable, Suvi!” Cora scolded her, a judging undertone in her voice. “Not only did you put the shuttle crew in danger, but also the rest of the crew and the Tempest as well.”  
She stopped and looked at her more sympathetically. “You haven’t been yourself since…” She didn’t finish the sentence. “It can’t go on like this. I need to be sure that I can trust you, that I can depend on you.”

Suvi watched Cora lecturing her, but she didn’t hear a word of what she said. She stared at the corner of the room and saw Sara standing there, smiling at her with love in her eyes.

A faint smile touched Suvi’s lips which irritated Cora. She noticed the redhead’s absent-minded stare and glanced into the same corner. She sighed and shook her head.

“Suvi, please talk to Lexi about it,” she implored and gained back Suvi’s attention.

With a slight nod Suvi stood to leave. Cora gently grabbed her arm when she passed her. “I have to suspend you from duty if this doesn't stop.”

Suvi didn’t reply anything, but Cora’s begging eyes made her realize that she was right. It couldn’t continue like this and so she made a decision for herself.

* * *

_'Please come back,’_ Sara tried to call the entity again that had just disappeared, but it kept dark. She saw no flashes and heard no voice.

Fear crawled up on her, her breathing becoming faster and uneven. Her heartbeat was racing, nearly exploding and her throat clenched and cold sweat gathered on her forehead and in her palms. It was a primal fear of dark places and instinctively she knew that she was about to have a panic attack.

She looked around in the darkness, sweeping a hand across her forehead to get rid of the sweat. _‘Come back!’ S_ he begged in her thoughts, trying to contact the entity once more. She had no idea what it was or what it wanted, but she would rather have its shrill voice talk to her than being alone in this blackness.

She tried to move, to lose the weightless feeling, but it was in vain. She thought about her odds which were – if she was being honest to herself – very poor.  
She was sure that the Tempest crew was searching for her right now, but she had no connection to SAM anymore and without him, it would be much more difficult to track her. She hoped they would find a way, but the painful truth was that if they didn’t, she would probably go insane first and then die of thirst. She wasn’t ready to die yet, however. Not like this. Not here.

_‘Please talk to me,’_ she glanced around in the darkness hoping to spot the flashes.

A prickling sensation suddenly shot up her spine, alarming her. The entity was here, hidden in the dark. Her senses never let her down. It was watching her; studying her?

_‘I know you’re here,”_ she attempted to reach it again. _‘You can ask me anything. You don’t need to hide to watch me.’_

That seemed to have worked, because first, she saw a little spark and then the flashes were moving towards her in a fast pace.

_‘We want to know: What is a Pathfinder?’_ A bright yellow flash flared in front of her eyes and she was wondering if it was only one entity or if there were several, each in the form of a flash?

 


	4. Moving On

Day 75 

Kallo was standing beside Suvi and watched her stuff clothes into a bag that she had put on the bed.

“Are you really sure?” He asked staring down at his hands.

Suvi turned and put a finger under his chin to meet his sad gaze. “I am sure. I’m sorry Kallo.” She placed a comforting hand on his cheek and looked at him with warm eyes.

“I have to do this. Everything here reminds me of her and I… I can’t work like that anymore.”

After the events almost a month ago, Suvi had asked Dr. Aridana if she had a job available on the Nexus and she had gotten the positive answer a week ago. To her surprise, director Tann had approved of her leaving the Tempest.

Although Cora was a great Pathfinder, Suvi couldn’t deal with it anymore. Every time Suvi saw her standing at the star map it seemed so wrong to her. She felt guilty for having such feelings, but she couldn’t help it. Sara was supposed to stand up there, to tell Kallo to bring the Tempest down, to look at her, asking for her advice.

The almost-catastrophe with the Kett ship was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She didn’t tell anyone, but when Cora had asked her for signs of Kett ships she had seen Sara looking down at her with her stunning blue eyes and a smile that made her melt. Sara’s ghost was everywhere on this ship and she had realized that she had to leave in order to keep her sanity.

“I will miss you,” Kallo said in a low voice, the sincerity in his eyes was unmistakable.

Suvi’s lips began to tremble. “I will miss you, too.” She hugged him tightly, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Make sure to visit me every time you’re on the Nexus.”

Kallo smiled. “Of course.”

She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand when she loosened the embrace.

“I’ll let you finish now.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll see you at the ramp later.”

Suvi smiled warmly and watched him leave her quarters. She put the last shirt in her bag and then picked up the picture of Sara. She softly moved a finger across the picture before she put it in the bag to the other things and closed the zipper.

She let her eyes wander over the room; Sara’s room. Images flashed through her mind. She thought back to the day Sara had kissed her here for the first time. She closed her eyes and remembered the soft touch of Sara’s lips on hers. It had been a short kiss, but it had elicited all kinds of feelings: Surprise, excitement, arousal and fear that Sara might not mean it seriously. She had convinced her from the opposite in an instant though, and that was the start of their beautiful relationship.

Glancing down at the bed, she remembered all the times they had made love and what feelings Sara had been able to provoke in her. She hadn’t been inexperienced when she met Sara, but what Sara had been able to do to her body, no other woman had managed before her.

She breathed out a deep sigh. So this was it, the end of her time on the Tempest.

A sad smile crossed her lips. It was for the better, it had to be. She took her bag and left the Pathfinder’s quarters without looking back.

 

When Suvi entered the cargo bay the whole crew of the Tempest was already waiting for her. She took the elevator down and her friends who were standing in a semi-circle in front of the Nomad, clapped when she stepped off of it. She was moved to tears and covered her mouth with both of her hands, dropping her bag. Kallo swaggered towards her, his hands hidden behind his back and a huge grin on his face.

“We got something for you,” he announced and handed her a wrapped gift.

Suvi didn’t hesitate and began to unwrap it, glancing at the faces of her friends with a smile on her lips. When she saw what it was, new tears gathered in her eyes.

“It’s an interactive picture of the whole crew,” Kallo explained joyfully.

“So you won’t forget us,” Gil interjected.

“If you touch our faces, you’ll hear individual messages we recorded for you.”

Suvi’s eyes wandered over each crew member. She would miss them. She would miss them terribly.

She walked over to her friends and began to hug everyone, saying farewell.

“Don’t forget us,” Peebee said with tears in her eyes.

“I won’t,” Suvi assured her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Please go see doctor Woods, you know it’s important.” Lexi was always worried about her well-being and Suvi appreciated it.

“I will, I promise.”

“Oh Suvi, you can’t imagine how much I will miss your voice,” Vetra declared laughing.

“My voice or my accent?” Suvi grinned.

“Both. But I’ll miss you the most.” Vetra hugged her tightly and couldn’t prevent a tear from falling.

“Come here, kid,” Drack said pulling her into a hug that left her breathless.

“Goodbye, old man.”

She had soon said goodbye to everyone but Cora. When she stood before, her she didn’t know what to say.

Cora did however. “You know you don’t have to leave. We need you here.”

Suvi swallowed hard. “Thank you. But it’s for the best.” She glanced around.

“It’s Sara, I can’t…”

Cora nodded in understanding. “It’s alright, I know.”

Suvi took a deep breath. “Well, I guess it’s time to go.”

She watched the ramp open and turned to face her friends again. “I will miss you so much.”

“We’ll miss you, too, Suvi,” they all said at the same time and Peebee snickered.

Suvi walked down the ramp and couldn’t keep her tears from falling anymore. It was such a strange feeling to leave the Tempest. She had been so proud when she had been assigned to the ship, but without Sara it had lost its meaning.

She saw Dr. Aridana standing at the bottom of the ramp, waiting for her. There was a woman with her she had never seen before.

“Dr. Anwar, hello,” she was greeted friendly by the Asari scientist.

“I hope you don’t mind me picking you up. I have rented a room for you which I wanted to show you before you start your work tomorrow.”

Suvi was a bit overwhelmed and only managed a smile which probably looked funny with her smeared cheeks and red eyes. She glanced from Aridana to the woman and then to the ground.

“Oh, I’m sorry. This is Dr. Anya Griffin. She is a new member of our team. She has advanced degrees in cell biology and virology.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Anwar,” the woman said holding out a hand.

Suvi surveyed the woman before her. She was about her age and she had her light brown hair knotted into a ponytail. The blonde highlights shone in the sun and fit perfectly to her green eyes and her overall pretty face.

“Nice to meet you, too.” Suvi replied when she reluctantly shook her hand.

“Let’s go then, shall we,” Dr. Aridana suggested and Suvi turned one last time. At the top of the ramp she saw Sara, looking down at her with sad eyes.

* * *

The entity had encircled Sara once again and her eyes followed it suspiciously.

_'What is a Pathfinder?’_ the one flash in front of her repeated its question.

_‘Ok, how about I tell you about me and you tell me about you?’_ Sara now tried to start a deeper conversation.

The entity seemed quite squirrely and she was afraid that it would leave again. She heard several voices in her head which indicated to her that the entity was thinking about her offer.

_‘We agree,’_ it replied.

Sara was so glad that it had kept the comfortable voice. She took a deep breath and began to explain the duties of a Pathfinder.

_‘The last planet I wanted to study was yours, before it disappeared,’_ she ended her summary.

Her thoughts trailed off. It was hard to concentrate and to communicate just with her mind which was full of thoughts and she had trouble keeping them under control. Especially the thoughts of a special redhead with ocean blue eyes never left.

She had to focus. She needed to get out of here and since the Tempest crew surely did their best to find her, she had to find out a way, too.

_‘This planet,’_ she inquired, _‘is it your homeworld? I haven’t seen you, when I was there.’_

The flashes suddenly changed colors very fast. It was like watching a twinkling Christmas tree. _‘No planet.’_

Sara frowned. _‘So it’s not your homeworld?’_

_‘NO planet!’_ The entity had started using its original voice again and Sara instinctively covered her ears, which of course was futile since the voice was in her head. The pain was unbearable. Did she say something that had angered the entity?

_‘Please stop. I’m sorry.’_

_‘We are Washot,’_ it exclaimed still in the shrill voice and Sara winced.

_‘What do you mean? I don’t understand.’_

One flash went right through her again and she screamed in agony. _‘No planet. We are Washot.’_

Sara tried to make sense of what the entity was saying. What did it mean by “no planet we are Washot”? And suddenly it hit her. _‘Wait you ARE the planet.’_

The flashes began to dance in wild movements and Sara quickly added:

_‘I mean you use the image of a planet, but you are actually a lifeform. Washot.’_

_‘We are Washot,’_ it had switched to the comfortable voice again.

Sara was flabbergasted. They hadn’t discovered a new planet but a new alien race that was able to disguise itself as a planet. Suvi would love this, she was sure of it.

_‘I am sorry, we didn’t know when we landed on…’_ she paused a moment. _‘You.’_

_‘It disrupted our “nerat”,’_ the voice repeated the words from earlier.

_‘What is a “nerat”? Please explain it to me, because we didn’t mean to interfere with it.’_

Sara hoped to finally get some answers and then hopefully get away from here.

 


	5. Emptiness

Five Months – New Year’s Eve

“Seven, six, five, four, three, two, ONE! Happy New Year, everyone!” Dr. Aridana proclaimed with a big smile on her face holding up a glass of champagne.

Suvi sat at the table in the science lab and watched as colleague after colleague went up to Dr. Aridana to hug her and wish her all the best for the new year.

Suvi sighed at all the forced happiness. She hadn’t felt like celebrating, but she didn’t want to distance herself from her workmates again. She had already refused to attend the Christmas celebration. It had felt wrong to celebrate it at all. It was supposed to be Sara’s and her first Christmas together and she had been looking forward to it, because she actually loved this time of the year, but just like so many other things, it had lost its purpose.

As much as she didn’t want to be here, she had decided to stay at least a bit. She had also gotten a call from Peebee, asking if she felt like coming to the Vortex later to celebrate with her, Kallo and Lexi. She didn’t, but she missed her friends and she hadn’t seen them for too long.

After the obligatory New Year’s wishes, she helped herself with another glass of champagne and sat down again. She glanced at the watch. It was still half an hour before she could leave to see her friends.

“Hey,” she suddenly heard a female voice saying. “Do you mind if I join you?” The voice belonged to Dr. Griffin.

“Sure,” Suvi replied gesturing to the empty chair in front of her. Suvi didn’t really feel like having company, but Dr. Griffin was nice and she enjoyed working with her.

The woman smiled warmly at her. “Kinda boring, isn’t it,” she remarked wrinkling her nose and glancing around.

A smile crossed Suvi’s lips. “Yeah.”

An awkward silence hung between them for a moment and Dr. Griffin rubbed the back of her neck.

“Would you like to go to the Vortex? I’m sure they know how to party there.”

Suvi frowned. Why was she asking that? She looked at the watch again – fifteen minutes.

“Sure, why not?” She responded after all, knowing that she would meet her friends there soon anyway.

* * *

The atmosphere in the Vortex was indeed completely different. It was electrifying and people were dancing, flirting, having drinks or were just socializing. The decor was a bit tacky, but that didn’t matter.

“There’s a free table,” Dr. Griffin shouted over the loud music, gesturing to a table nearby. “It’s nice,” she remarked when they sat down. “Have you been here often?” she continued looking at Suvi questioningly.

Suvi shook her head, scanning the room for her friends. “No, it’s not really my music and it’s too loud.” She didn’t intend her words to come out snotty, but they did and Dr. Griffin was taken aback.

“I’m sorry, shall we go?” She apologized gratuitously.

“No, it’s okay.” Suvi honestly said feeling guilty.

“Really, it’s fine.” She softened her comment smiling at the woman in front of her who smiled back with a relieved look on her face.  

“I have to be honest with you, Dr. Griffin,” Suvi gazed downward to hide her guilt. “I’m expecting a few friends.”

The smile disappeared from Dr. Griffin’s face to make way for a disappointed look.

“I understand. Do you want me to leave?”

“Oh no.” Suvi clarified immediately. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted you to know.”

The young woman breathed out a sigh of relief and laughed. “Oh good, I thought you wanted to get rid of me for a second, Dr. Anwar.” She avoided Suvi’s gaze out of embarrassment.

“No, I honestly didn’t,” Suvi answered amused. “And Dr. Griffin… it’s Suvi.”

The young woman looked up meeting her gaze. “Anya.”

They smiled at each other and just at that moment Suvi spotted Lexi searching the room. She waved at her and knew that she had seen her, when Lexi turned and gestured to the others behind her where to go. Suvi now also spotted Peebee and Kallo.

When they came closer Suvi stood up to hug them. It was good to see them again and she gave Kallo a special warm hug. Suvi patted the space next to her gesturing her friends to sit down. She then began to introduce them to her colleague.

“Dr. Griffin, please meet my friends and former work colleagues Dr. Lexi T’Perro, Kallo Jath and Peebee.” They shook hands.

“Please call me Anya,” the young woman asked. The others immediately offered her to use their first names as well.

“So, who wants drinks?” Anya glanced at them with a smile and Peebee was the first one to raise her hand. Lexi and Kallo did, too and when Anya’s eyes stopped at Suvi, she shook her head. She had already drunk two glasses of champagne and alcohol and she didn’t get on well together.

Anya stood up and walked over to the bar. Suvi’s eyes followed her which didn’t go unnoticed by Peebee.

“She’s cute,” she remarked.

Suvi looked at her questioningly and Peebee shrugged. They watched the woman for a while. She turned and gazed at Suvi with soft eyes and a warm smile on her face.

Peebee snickered. “She’s into you.”

Suvi’s eyes grew wide. “What?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the way she looks at you?”

“No, no I haven’t.” Suvi was confused. She had been working with Dr. Griffin for over two months now and they had been friendly to each other, but only on a professional basis. She had never noticed any signs of Dr. Griffin being interested in her. Yes, she had used every opportunity to talk to her, asking her about things she should actually know herself. Or one time she had brought her lunch, when she didn’t want to leave her project. Or the other time she had stayed longer so that Suvi could go home, because she was so exhausted…  
Suvi released a heavy breath, the scales falling from her eyes. Anya _was_ interested in her. She threw a glance at her again and saw her still smiling at her.

“Don’t worry, there’s no harm in a little flirting,” Peebee assured her.

“Flirting?” Suvi snarled scowling. She couldn’t believe her friend’s insensitivity. “Sara is dead, Peebee!”

She suddenly felt sick. Her stomach churned and she had the feeling of suffocation. She had to get out of here.

“Please excuse me,” she managed and edged herself through the crowd. She didn’t see Lexi and Kallo lecturing Peebee or Anya looking after her with a sad expression on her face. She just needed to get out, to breathe.

When she was finally outside she ran to the railing and leaned on it, taking several deep breaths to stop her head from spinning. While trying to calm her breathing she watched the celebrating people down at the docking bay.  
They seemed so happy, looking forward to what the new year might bring. Would she ever feel like that again? Would she ever feel again? Looking down she thought about how easy it would be to just climb over the railing and to end everything right here and now. When Sara died a part of herself died too and all that was left was numbness and emptiness that seemed to swallow more and more of her every day. She missed Sara; she missed her with every fiber of her being.

She was suddenly torn out of her thoughts by a familiar laughter. She looked around and saw Dr. Aridana and her other colleagues leave the science lab to join the celebrating Nexus inhabitants at the docking bay.

Suvi pondered for an instant and decided to go the lab. There was always some work to do and she didn’t feel like going home, which was a large and comfortable apartment that Dr. Aridana had rented for her. She liked it, but what she needed right now was distraction and her apartment couldn’t provide that.

She entered the lab and scanned the room which was empty to her relief. She headed to her computer and opened her latest project about genetic defects in Rylkors.

She was so occupied by her findings that she didn’t hear the door slide open. Both women got a fright when they noticed each other.

Anya put a hand on her chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here.”   

“Are you following me?” Suvi snapped.

“No, I wanted to get my jacket.” She gestured to the garment on her office chair.

Suvi squeezed her eyes shut, her shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude.”

Anya slightly nodded, taking her jacket. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” she said in a soft voice and with a compassionate look. “I didn’t know. Your friends just told me.”

She walked towards the door and then turned to face Suvi once more.

“I won’t bother you again,” she whispered and just wanted to push the button to open the door when she was held back by Suvi’s voice.

“Wait.” Suvi stood and walked towards the woman in slow steps. When she had reached her she gazed into her eyes, her faces were only inches apart. From then on everything went fast. Suvi grabbed Anya’s neck and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Anya responded hesitantly at first, but then gave in, parting her lips to grant Suvi’s tongue entry. They began to undress each other in a frantic pace, never parting their lips.

“Fuck me,” Suvi demanded in a husky voice when their naked bodies pressed into each other. Anya was more than willing to oblige. She turned Suvi around so that she was facing the wall and pressed her against it; she used the same movement to lock the door. She ran her tongue over Suvi’s neck and spread her legs with her own, just a bit to get better access. Without further announcement she pushed two fingers inside of Suvi who gasped at the contact.

As Anya was pumping in and out Suvi felt… nothing. A lump formed in her throat and her chin trembled. When she couldn’t hold back tears any longer she covered her face with one hand.

Anya noticed the sudden change in Suvi and withdrew her fingers. “Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

Suvi shook her head and slid down the wall sobbing. Anya knelt down to her and pulled her into a hug, feeling Suvi’s tears on her naked skin.

Suvi was terribly ashamed. All she had wanted was to feel something again – anything; to fill the emptiness, but instead the pain weighed even heavier on her.

 


	6. Return to the Tempest

Eight Months

She had only ten minutes left until the Tempest would arrive and Suvi still hadn’t figured out what to wear to Cora’s birthday party, which was today. She stood in front of her closet and sighed. She pulled out a pair of black jeans and pondered for a moment.

“Nah,” she said with a wrinkle on her nose and put it back. After staring at a pair of grey chinos for at least two minutes she decided to put them on. She eyed herself in the mirror and nodded satisfied.

“Perfect.”

She was still only wearing a bra and the game started over.

The doorbell suddenly beeped interrupting her thinking process. “Come in,” she shouted.

“Hey,” Anya said when she entered the bedroom and laughed when she saw Suvi’s desperate look. “Don’t know what to wear?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me have a look,” Anya suggested and went over to the closet. Her eyes wandered over the many shirts and blouses. “Hm, how about this one?” She pulled out a white rayon long-sleeve blouse and held it in front of Suvi.

“I like it.” Anya smiled.

Suvi agreed and put it on. She viewed herself in the mirror. Her red hair had grown longer and was softly falling onto her shoulders. It fit to the blouse perfectly.

“And, how do I look?”

Anya gave her the thumbs up.

Suvi felt comfortable around the young woman. After the incident in the science lab, they had a long conversation. Suvi had explained how she had felt that night and that she was sorry and ashamed that she had taken advantage of her, but Anya hadn’t seen it that way – on the contrary she had been very understanding and compassionate. She had assured her that it was alright. Suvi had told her that she wasn’t ready for a new relationship and Anya had accepted it with a sad but understanding expression on her face.  
Three months had passed since then and they had spent a lot of time together and Suvi was glad to have found such a good friend on the Nexus.  
The invitation to Cora’s birthday party arrived a week ago and Cora had offered Suvi to bring Anya along.

It was the first time since Suvi had left the Tempest, that she would set foot on the ship again and of course she was nervous.

At the beginning, every moment she didn’t think of Sara felt like a betrayal, but although she was still on her mind every day, the thoughts had become less over time and the pain slowly began to become easier to bear. She still missed her terribly especially during little moments that meant a lot to her like a new achievement in her work, and she had often thought about how much she wanted to tell her about it. Being on the Tempest again would bring back many memories and she hoped she was ready for it.

Ten minutes later, she was standing in Sara’s former quarters and watched the Tempest crew serenading Cora. The room hadn’t changed. Suvi had assumed Cora would rearrange some things, but she had kept everything like it was. The only thing that was missing was the collection of ship models. Suvi intended to ask her what she had done with them.

She gazed at the bed. The ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she remembered the many wonderful nights Sara and she had spent in it. Some nights they would just lay there and watch the stars, Sara kissing her cheek when she had said something “nerdy” which Sara had loved.

Suvi snapped out of her thoughts when her friends started clapping and congratulating their Pathfinder. Among them, she spotted the new science officer she had heard about, she believed his name was Dr. Stevens. He hugged Cora, whispering something in her ear that made her blush.

As she watched her friends laughing and communing with each other she had the bitter feeling of not belonging anymore. With a heavy heart she walked over to Cora to wish her all the best.

“Suvi, I’m glad you could come.” Cora beamed at her and pulled her into a hug.

“Happy Birthday, Cora,” Suvi said handing her a little wrapped gift.

“Thank you. Please help yourself with--“

“Hey Harper, do you have a minute?” Liam cut her off and waved at her. He seemed to have a problem with the retro stereo equipment.

“Will you excuse me for a second?” Cora asked putting a hand on Suvi’s shoulder and then walking over to the crisis specialist.

Suvi watched her former work colleagues and friends. Everyone was occupied with something and she felt lost.

A hand suddenly squeezed her arm gently. “Are you okay?” she heard Anya asking.

She turned to face her with sad eyes. “I don’t know. I just need a minute.”

Anya understood. Suvi left without saying anything and she was certain that nobody noticed anyway.

She glanced up the ladder that led to the bridge once she was outside. She climbed up and took a deep breath before she entered. She felt a well-known ache in her stomach when she looked around. Everything still felt so familiar. She went to her former chair and let a finger glide over the backrest before she sat down. To her surprise it felt good. She had loved working on the Tempest, it had been her dream until…  She sighed.

“I miss you, Sara,” she whispered turning her head to look at her. She stood at the star map, looking down at Suvi with her soft eyes and a gentle smile on her lips.

“It’s been almost a year, and people are telling me to let go, to move on.” Suvi rubbed her forehead. “But they don’t tell me how.” Her eyes were filling with tears. “How do I go on without you?”

She jumped up and left the bridge, tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew that it had been a bad idea to come here.

* * *

The entity, the Washot, was encircling Sara as she asked: _‘So this “nerat” is some kind of regeneration?’_ She tried to make sense of what it had just told her which was, that it appeared only when it had to perform the “nerat”. It had explained that it needed the sun of Elaaden, because it was the warmest sun in the cluster.

_'Like a snake that needs the warmth of the sun to survive?’_

_‘What is it?’_ the entity inquired.

_‘An animal,’_ she quickly answered. _‘But that’s not important.’_

This species was fascinating and she wanted to know as much as possible about it.

_'How often do you need the “nerat”?’_ She queried.

The flashes flickered. _‘Every three million years.’_

Her jaw gapped. _‘Wait, what?’_ She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. No wonder they had never seen the planet before.

_‘Are you that old?’_

_‘Time is of no meaning to us,’_ the Washot replied. _‘We are eternal.’_

She let out a deep breath, trying to process all the new gained knowledge.

_‘What happened to me, when you disappeared or… went back into hiding?’_ Sara needed to know because as compelling everything was she still also wanted to get back. _‘Where am I?’_

_‘You are within.’_ One of the flashes was flickering bright.

_‘What does that mean?’_ she asked and couldn’t hide the hint of panic in her voice. _‘Can I return to my world?’_

The following silence made her nervous and she felt the veins pulsing in her neck. After a seemingly endless time the entity spoke again.

_‘Yes,’_ was the short response.

Sara calmed down. _‘Will you help me get back?’_ Glancing at her watch she saw that an hour had passed and without SAM she didn’t know how long it would take until the crew of the Tempest would finally figure out a way to find her.

The flashes were gathering into an orb again that grew bigger and bigger until it had reached Sara’s size.

_‘You don’t belong here,’_ the Washot reminded with its original voice, floating towards Sara. She winced in pain and when the orb touched her she felt the same sensation she had felt before she had ended up here. A bright and warm light engulfed her and then everything went black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out a bit shorter than the others, but we are slowly but steadily nearing the finale- only a few chapters left.


	7. Anniversary

One Year

Suvi didn’t sleep well. Nightmares were torturing her more than usual and when the beeping of the alarm clock began at 6:30 a.m. it caught her by surprise. She threw the pillow over her head and cursed. She didn’t want to get up, because she was so tired and exhausted, but she knew that she had to. She fumbled for the tiny button on the side of the clock and the beeping stopped.

She crawled out of bed and lurched into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She knew exactly what deprived her of sleep and she had been afraid of this day for over a week. It was the first anniversary of Sara’s death and she couldn’t believe that a whole year had passed since then. She asked herself how she had managed to get through it. The excruciating pain of losing the woman she loved was not comparable to anything she had ever felt.

She sighed. She was glad that she had decided to go to work after all, although Dr. Aridana had offered her to stay at home on this _‘special day’,_ how she had called it. The least Suvi needed now however was being alone. Distraction always worked for her and it wouldn’t be different this time. That didn’t mean that she didn’t have anything planned for Sara, because she had, she just needed to bridge the time until then.

* * *

After being occupied with her studies on a newly discovered Heleus plant for a while, Suvi glanced at the clock on the wall and stretched. Only half an hour left until she could leave. Her colleagues had been overly friendly to her today, knowing what day it was. They hadn’t asked her anything or brought new work samples, disrupting her current work like they usually did. The only one who had acted normal was Anya. She had inquired how she was and told her that she would be there if she wanted to talk. Suvi genuinely appreciated their friendship. Sometimes she felt a bit guilty, because she knew that Anya was in love with her, but the young woman had assured her over and over again that it was okay for her.

The thirty minutes flew by and Suvi was now pacing up and down at Hydroponic Gardens, waiting for Scott.  
When he finally arrived she smiled.

“I’m sorry I’m late. Kandros can be a pain in the ass sometimes,” Scott apologized.

“It’s ok. I’m glad you’re here.”

“So, where is this place you told me about?” Scott asked.

“This way,” Suvi replied gesturing where to go.

Scott followed her to a big tree with broad, green leaves. There was a bench positioned in front of it so people could sit and enjoy its beauty.

“Here,” Suvi said turning to Scott with a smile on her face. “Sara loved this tree. Every time we were on the Nexus we would sit down and just look at it.” Suvi bowed her head, the smile fading. “It wasn’t very often though.”

Scott noticed her regret and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry.”

The two just stood there in silence for a moment, before Suvi pulled a candle out of her bag. Scott smiled when he saw the engraved words on it:

 

_Sara,_  
_you are my light in the dark.  
_ _\- Suvi_

 

She placed it under the tree and lit it. “This one’s for you, Sara,” she whispered, tears gathering in her eyes. “We miss you.”

They sat down on the bench and watched the flickering of the flame. Tears were silently running down Suvi’s cheeks and Scott put a comforting arm around her shoulder. She rested her head on his chest, gladly accepting his comfort. Scott too couldn’t hold back tears any longer and so he just let them flow.

* * *

One Year and Two Days

Cora entered the bridge of the Tempest, holding a cup of coffee in her hand. It was early and she needed the caffeine to get at least a bit vitalized.

“SAM, what’s the plan for today?” She asked taking a sip.

“You have a meeting with an Angaran representative on Aya,” the female voice of the AI informed her. Asari technicians had managed to modulate the SAM of the Asari Pathfinder in a way that Cora was also able to use it. It wasn’t nearly as efficient as Sara’s SAM, but it did its job.

Cora rolled her eyes. “Exciting.” Glancing at Kallo she added: “Set course for Aya.”

Kallo had just accelerated the Tempest when a blinking light on the main console indicated an incoming call. “SAM?” Cora asked.

“Elaaden command is on vidcom, Pathfinder,” the AI clarified.

Cora frowned. “What do they want?”

“Unknown. They want to speak with _you._ ”

She shrugged. “Well then let’s hear what they have to say. I’ll be right back,” she turned on her heels and left the bridge.

Her cup still in her hand Cora pushed the button to the vidcom. A female Krogan appeared on the screen.

“Nakmor Morda, what can I do for you?”

“Pathfinder, an hour ago our sensors picked up a strange signal in the orbit of Elaaden.” She looked at her seriously. “The planet is back.”

Cora was confused at first, but then it dawned to her which planet Morda meant.

“Pathfinder, we also picked up human life signals…” Morda paused before she said the words that would remain in Cora’s memory forever: “It’s Sara Ryder.”

The cup shattered into a thousand pieces when it hit the floor. Cora didn’t say goodbye to the Overlord when she rushed down to the bridge.

“Set course for Elaaden,” she ordered out of breath, her heart pounding against her chest. “Everybody into the meeting room NOW!” She then commanded over commlink.

 

“How is that even possible,” Vetra asked glancing at Cora and then Drack. “We saw her die.”

The crew had gathered in the meeting room and everyone was shocked about the news Cora had just told them.

Cora rubbed her forehead and paced up and down in front of her crew. “I don’t know. Nakmor Morda just said that they picked up her signal.”

“Maybe it’s a trap,” Drack remarked suspicious as always.

“A trap by who?” Peebee asked looking into confused faces.

“We have to be extremely cautious,” Cora said. “We don’t know if it is Ryder.” She took a deep breath. “And if it really is her, we don’t know what condition she is in. It could be bad.”

The crew nodded in agreement.

“Wow, imagine it is her. Wouldn’t that be the weirdest shit you’ve ever experienced?” Liam said laughing, but when he saw the serious faces of his workmates he realized that it wasn’t funny.

“What about Suvi? Shouldn’t she know?” Peebee inquired with a questioning look on her face.

“No!” Cora shook her head. “We can’t tell her, not yet.” She let her eyes wander over each crew member and then she said: “We have to be sure first.”

* * *

It didn’t take long and the Tempest had entered the orbit of Elaaden. Cora had asked Drack and Vetra to come with her after they had scanned the planet again and also picked up Sara’s signal. Cora still couldn’t believe it, but they would find out soon.

She maneuvered the shuttle to the same spot they had landed on a year ago.

“Stay sharp,” she said when they left the shuttle, scanning their surroundings for Sara and any signs of trouble. “Stevens, let us know if there’s anything suspicious.”

“Roger,” he acknowledged over comm.

“I have her signal,” Vetra said, staring at her omni-tool. “This way!” Cora and Drack followed her lead.

The signal got stronger and out of the blue there she was, sitting on a rock, her back turned to them.

“Ryder?” Cora asked hesitantly.

Sara turned around with a big grin on her face. “I thought you’d never show up.” She stood and walked towards them.

“You won’t believe what I just went through,” she told them.

“I wanted to contact you, but I can’t get a hold of SAM.”

She patted Cora on the back.

“But I can always count on you guys.”

Cora glanced at her with big eyes and Sara frowned. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She laughed. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Cora, Vetra and Drack looked at each other in confusion.

“Are you coming or what?” Sara shouted when they didn’t follow.

“Let’s get off of here fast,” Sara suggested as soon as they had reached the shuttle.

Cora sat down in the piloting chair and Vetra, Drack and Sara sat in the back.

“Guys, this planet…,” she gestured quotation marks, “isn’t a planet. It’s a lifeform.”

Drack and Vetra glanced at each other, still not believing that Sara was sitting in front of them, alive and well.

“I’ll tell you the details later, I need a shower first.” She smiled. “Suvi, you’ll love it!” Her crew members exchanged shocked looks.

“Suvi?” Sara asked and frowned when there was no reply over the commlink.

“What’s going on?” Sara wondered sensing something wasn’t right.

Cora turned her head, looking back at her. “Ryder, we need to talk.”

* * *

“A YEAR!” Sara shouted throwing her hands up in despair. “Are you fucking kidding me?” She was walking up and down the bio lab, shaking her head.

Cora was watching her carefully. She had messaged the rest of the crew to retreat into their rooms. She wanted to tell Sara first, before everyone started welcoming her back, probably telling her things she shouldn’t know just yet. She had also ordered SAM to scan the woman once more to make sure it was in fact her; it was. It had cost her a lot of strength to keep Sara from going to the bridge to see Suvi.

“How can this be?” Sara asked with a frown. She just didn’t get it.

“It seems as though you were caught in a time phenomenon,” Cora’s AI tried to answer the rhetorical question.

Sara’s frown deepened into a scowl. “Who’s that?”

“It’s my SAM. We weren’t able to connect to yours anymore.”

Sara rubbed her forehead. “I can’t believe it, I…”

“We thought you were dead, Ryder.”

Sara looked at her incredulously.

“Drack and Vetra saw you dissolve into nothing and then the whole planet was gone.”

Sara tried to grasp what she was hearing, but it was difficult to imagine. As she thought about Cora’s words again her heartbeat and breathing suddenly increased.

“Suvi… I need to talk to her.”

Cora sighed bowing her head. “She’s not working on the Tempest anymore.”

“What?” Sara didn’t know how much bad news she could bear before she would go insane.

“She left about three months after your… death.” Cora paused and glanced at Sara with sad eyes. “She took it very hard. We were worried about her.”

Sara’s stomach was contracting and forming into a knot and her eyes were filling with tears. “Oh my God. I need to talk to her. Where is she?”

“She’s on the Nexus--“

Sara turned and wanted to leave the room when Cora grabbed her arm, keeping her from going. “Wait. You can’t just call her and say _‘hey look who’s back.’_ ”

Sara’s sad and pleading eyes hurt Cora. “Listen, I will call Scott--“

“Scott,” Sara whispered, thinking about what he must have gone through.

“I’ll call him and tell him everything. I think _he_ should tell Suvi. They were very supportive of each other.” Cora let out a deep sigh and put a comforting hand on Sara’s shoulder.

“I’ll call him.” She went to the door and turned to face her again. “I’m so happy you’re back,” she said in a soft tone. Cora was indeed happy and she didn’t care what it might mean for her position as Pathfinder, she was just glad her friend was back.

“Please go and see Lexi. I want to make sure you’re ok.” She left the bio lab with a smile on her face.

Sara remained asking herself how she had managed to stumble from one nightmare into another.

 


	8. Reunion

“Shite,” Suvi cursed when she stung herself on one of the plants, she was studying. Blood was running down her white glove and she pulled it off. She grimaced when she saw the little wound. _‘Hopefully it’s not toxic’,_ she thought wrapping a tissue around her finger.   
She walked over to the medical kit on the wall and helped herself with medi-gel. Her colleagues didn’t mind her since such accidents happened all the time. Only Anya had glimpsed at her, but then immediately concentrated on her work again.

Suvi was just applying the medi-gel to the wound when Scott entered the science lab. When she saw the puzzled expression on his conspicuously pale face, she ran over to him. “What’s wrong?” She asked reaching out for his hands.

Scott stared at her with disbelieving eyes. “Cora just called me… They’ve found Sara.”  

Suvi dropped his hands. “What?”

“She’s alive.”

If someone had asked Suvi what exactly she was feeling in that moment, she wouldn’t have been able to describe it. It was a mixture of so many emotions: Happiness alternated with disbelief which alternated with sadness which then alternated with fear… Her mind was spiraling out of control trying to process what Scott had just unfolded.

“Cora said the planet was back and…” he continued, rubbing his forehead. “That’s where she was.”

Suvi swallowed hard, remembering what Cora had later told her about the circumstances of Sara’s death. “How is she?” It was hard to imagine anyone surviving the events unharmed.

“She seems to be fine physically, but…” He took a deep breath and explained to her that Sara didn’t experience time as they did and that for her only a few hours had passed.

Suvi rubbed her temples as a new feeling joined the others: confusion.  
She had no idea which emotion they belonged to, but tears were clouding her eyes now and it didn’t take long before they fell. Scott pulled her into a comforting hug. He empathized with her, because he felt exactly the same.

There was something else Scott needed to tell Suvi and so he carefully broke the hug. “The Tempest is on its way,” he began, watching Suvi attentively. “Sara wants to see you.”

Her eyes widened in shock. Of course Suvi wanted to see Sara more than anything too, but she had just learned a minute ago that she was alive and she hadn’t even digested that news yet and now Sara was already on her way. The whole situation began to overwhelm her and she felt a sudden stab of anxiety in her gut.

“I’m not sure if I’m ready. What if I…” Her voice trailed off.

“You’ll be fine, Suvi.” Scott assured her.

“What about you?” She wanted to know.

“Well, turns out I’m not important to my sis after all,” Scott laughed trying to lighten the mood as he noticed Suvi’s still distressed expression. It didn’t work however and so he added: “I’ll meet her later. I understand why she wants to see you first.”

He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “But if you think you can’t get through it, please call me and I’ll go with you.”

Suvi gave him a look of profound gratitude. “She's alive?” She whispered still not quite believing it.

* * *

Sara had changed her combat gear with the comfortable grey and white Initiative outfit and sat on the bed in her former quarters reflecting about what had happened during the last half hour. Her crew mates had received her with cheers; tears had fallen and Peebee had even thrown herself at her. Lexi had examined her thoroughly and then exclaimed that she was okay. It was so crazy, because she had seen her crew only few hours ago. How could a year pass for them, but not for her? She remembered the Washot saying that time didn't mean anything to them; maybe she had been stuck in some kind of time vacuum? She didn't know and it couldn't be changed anymore anyway.

Cora had given her a short summary about what had happened in the year she was gone. The most prominent things being that Cora was the Pathfinder now and that Suvi had left the Tempest. Sara had also met the new science officer, Dr. Stevens and she hadn’t liked him the moment he had opened his mouth. He seemed like an arrogant jerk who was so self-centered that he didn't see the world around him. She sighed. Maybe she was just being judgmental, because she couldn’t stand seeing him in Suvi’s chair.

A sad look appeared on her face when she thought of Suvi. Cora had told her that the year hadn’t been easy for her and that her work had suffered so much that she had decided to leave the ship.

Sara’s omni-tool lit up. “We’re reaching the Nexus in five minutes.” Cora let her know and she took a deep breath. She was nervous.

* * *

Suvi was sitting on one of the benches at the Nexus docking bay near the landing platform wringing her hands nervously. Dr. Aridana had given her the rest of the day off and she had used the additional time to change clothes. Her outfit, which consisted of grey chinos, a white t-shirt and a black cardigan, attracted a lot of glances from men and women. She didn’t care for them though; she wanted to look nice for Sara.

She was still in shock about the news and her emotions were all over the place.   
Her heart started racing when she saw the Tempest approaching. It took only a few minutes until it had completed the landing process and the ramp was opening. Suvi stood up and took a deep breath. She tried to catch a glimpse of the inside of the ship, but then she saw her. Sara was striding down the ramp scanning her environment.  
Suvi’s body grew tense and her stomach clenched. She searched for signs of this woman being a fraud, but she didn’t discover any.

When the ramp opened, Sara tried to spot her girlfriend, her eyes darting around the docking bay. There were so many people. Did Suvi come to see her at all? She would understand if she didn’t, because the news that she was still alive must have been a shock to her. She was excited, but also a bit worried about how Suvi could react. Halfway down the ramp, she suddenly spotted ginger hair in the crowd. Sara smiled; it was Suvi and she looked so good. Her outfit was breathtaking and Sara couldn’t remember her wearing it before. Suvi’s hair had grown and she was wearing it in a ponytail. Sara liked it although she preferred the old hairstyle.

When their eyes finally met the world around them seemed to stand still.

Suvi had trouble to calm her breathing. She couldn’t believe that this wasn’t one of her dreams; that Sara was really alive and walking towards her in that moment.

“Hey,” Sara said in a soft voice when she stopped in front of her, a captivating smile on her lips.

Suvi couldn’t help staring at her. She brought her hands to Sara’s face and touched it gently.

“Oh my God,” she whispered realizing that it really was the woman she loved. The woman she had thought was dead. She leaned forward and lightly brushed Sara’s lips with her own. She felt a jolt of electricity shoot through her. She pulled her in, kissing her tenderly. Tears fell down her cheeks when she felt Sara’s warm lips on her own again after such a long time.

Suvi deepened the kiss, taking in as much as possible from the woman she loved and had missed so much, when all of a sudden a memory flash hit her. She saw herself in the cargo bay, Lexi comforting her. Then there was another: Her lying in bed wanting to die. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get rid of the surfacing thoughts, but memory flash after memory flash now flooded her mind: Her clinging to Scott, sobbing. The memorial service, her throwing Sara's picture against the wall… All the memories of her mourning Sara came back to her and with them the bone-deep pain. It was too much to bear. She broke the kiss, almost pushing Sara away.

“What's wrong?” Sara asked with a puzzled look on her face.

Suvi rubbed her forehead with one trembling hand. “I… I can't.”

She glanced at Sara with sad eyes, a lump forming in her throat. “I can't do this. I'm sorry.”

She didn't know why she started running from the woman she loved more than anything in her life. She heard Sara call her name, but her feet wouldn't let her stop. People were staring at her, but she didn't care and so she kept running, tears streaming down her face until she finally reached her apartment. She was pushing the button to open the door when she felt a hand gently grab her arm, turning her around.

“Please don't run from me,” Sara begged out of breath; a mixture of sadness and pain visible in her eyes.

Suvi wasn’t sure what to say or even what to feel. The whole situation threatened to overwhelm her so that she didn’t know how to react anymore.

Sara took her hands into hers, her blue eyes pleading for an explanation. “Talk to me.”

The door slid open and Suvi glanced into her apartment.  

“Come in,” she offered, eventually looking at Sara again. Sara followed her and was impressed at how big the apartment was. “Wow,” she uttered in awe glancing around.

They were standing in the living room with a couch positioned in the middle of the room, pointing to a large monitor on the wall. Sara noticed several doors leading to other rooms and a big window at the far side of the room provided the illusion of daylight.

Admiring Suvi’s apartment was not what Sara had come here for though, so she sat down on the couch. She looked at Suvi with soft eyes, who was standing in front of her, glancing around and avoiding her gaze.

“What’s wrong, Suvi?” Sara wondered reaching for Suvi’s hand and pulling her towards the couch.

Suvi sat down beside her still not having the strength to meet her eyes.

Sara sighed putting a finger under her chin, gently forcing her to look at her. “Hey, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Hearing Sara say those words after a year of assuming she was dead, brought back another wave of pain. Sara was always so self-confident and assuring, but the last time she had assured her of something, she died.

“You're saying that now,” Suvi whispered, feeling anger and pain sneaking up on her.

Sara frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You weren't here for a whole year!” Suvi said louder than she intended.

Suvi’s sudden change of mood surprised Sara. She tried to take her hand, but Suvi wouldn’t let her. “You just left me!” Suvi stood and turned her back to Sara.

“I didn't want to!” Sara tried to defend herself.

“You knew I was worried about you and you still left and went on that damn planet!” Suvi yelled turning to Sara again.

Sara shook her head in disbelief. “That’s not fair, Suvi. I’m the Pathfinder you know that it’s my job--“

“Well, I hate your job!” Suvi cut her off, lying. She didn’t mean it, she had always been so proud of Sara, but the anger she felt at that moment made her say things she was sure she would later regret.

Sara’s flabbergasted look made her tear up again. “You promised me you’d always come back to me…” Wiping tears from her eyes with her hand, she failed to suppress a sob. “But you died. You just died.”

Sara made a step towards her. “Look at me, Suvi, I’m not dead. I’m here.” She reached out to her, but Suvi held her arms up in defense.

“Don’t,” she whispered her gaze directed downward. “I mourned you, Sara and I didn't know how to go on without you.”

Suvi realized that her anger rooted in the fear of losing Sara again; the fear of having to live through the same agonizing pain all over again.

“I'm so sorry,” Sara said sincerely. “If I could, I’d turn back time to spare you from the pain.”

Suvi swallowed hard. “So much has happened, and I've done something I'm not proud of.” She closed her eyes. All the memories were back and one haunted her in particular. She thought back to New Year’s Eve. She had felt remorse and shame every day since then and now that Sara was back, it stung even worse.

It hurt Sara to witness Suvi so upset.

“I can’t even imagine what you went through, but I’m here now and--“

“I’ve slept with another woman.” Suvi blurted out.

Sara’s face dropped. “What?”

Suvi rubbed her forehead; her pulse was racing. “I missed you and I… I felt--“

“Who is she?” Sara cut her off, tears gathering in her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me!” Sara hissed pointing at herself. She started pacing up and down, a deep frown on her face. “When?” She interrogated.

The pain in Sara’s eyes was obvious and Suvi doubted her decision to tell her.

“New Year’s Eve,” she answered. “But it didn’t mean anything. She was--“

Sara abruptly stopped. Her expression had become thoughtful. “You had sex with another woman, only five months after you thought I died?”

Suvi winced at the words. She needed to explain why she did it. “Yes, and I’ve regretted it ever since, but you have to listen to me--“

“Do you still see her?” Sara hadn’t let Suvi finish one sentence since she had told her and desperation began to grow inside of her.

“No… I mean yes, she’s my colleague.”

Sara sneered in response. Wiping away tears she walked towards the door. When Suvi wanted to hold her up by grabbing her arm; she first glanced at Suvi’s hand and then into her eyes. Suvi had never seen such a pained expression on her lover’s face before and she let go of her arm.

“Sara,” she whispered with a trembling lip. “Please let me explain.”

Sara stared at the floor, slightly shaking her head. She opened the door and left without looking back.

Suvi remained in her apartment. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest for a second time.

 


	9. A New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it: The last chapter of "Darkness". I hope you enjoyed it.   
> Thanks again to The_Anwarrior, without you I probably wouldn't have finished it.

Sara walked into the office of Nexus security glowering. The officers turned their heads and stared at her in bewilderment. She heard them whispering with each other, but she didn’t care. She had to talk to her brother and it didn’t take long before she discovered him. He sat at a desk; he was reading in his notepad his back turned to her.

“Hey Scott,” she said and Scott jumped off his chair.

His eyes widened in surprise. “Oh my God, Sara.” Tears filled his eyes and he stared at her in disbelief. “It’s really you. I can’t believe it.” He pulled her into an embrace and held her tight, tears now streaming down his cheeks. Sara rubbed his back as she felt his sobs. His workmates were watching the scene, but immediately looked away when Sara glanced at them.

“It’s okay,” she whispered and slowly loosened the embrace.

Scott wiped away the tears with the back of his hand and shook his head. “You’re here, you’re really here.”

Scott’s reaction seemed so crazy to Sara. Everyone’s reaction. She had seen her crew, Suvi, just a few hours ago and Scott… a week ago the most.

“I need to talk to you,” she stated. Glimpsing at his workmates she added: “Alone.”

A frown wrinkled on Scott’s forehead. He gestured to an adjoining room and Sara went ahead. Scott closed the door behind them. “Are you okay?”

“NO, no I’m not okay,” Sara shouted throwing her hands up.  
“First Cora tells me that a whole year has passed…” She walked up and down the room; Scott following her with his eyes. “Then she tells me that I’m not the Pathfinder anymore…”  
She stopped in front of him. “And five minutes ago my girlfriend told me that she cheated on me.”

“What?”

“Scott, I have the feeling I’ve woken up from a coma and I don’t know what the fuck is going on!”

“Suvi cheated on you?”

“Yes, with someone from work.”

“Anya?”

Sara’s eyes grew wide. “Is that her name? Do you know her?”

Scott sighed. “Yes, I know her.”

Sara shook her head in disbelief and started pacing again.

“But I also know that they are just friends and--”

“Friends? Friends with benefits you mean.” Sara scowled.

Scott grabbed his sister’s arm to keep her from walking. “Stop it, Sara!” Frustration was clearly audible in his voice. “Will you calm down for just a second?”

“No, I will not! I was kept in a fucking dark place, being tortured by some alien creature just to return and learn that a whole freaking year has passed and that my girlfriend had sex with another woman!”  
She closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. When she opened them again they conveyed helplessness. “I don’t know what’s happening anymore.”

Scott looked at her sympathetically. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this.” He took a deep breath before he added: “But please try to put yourself in Suvi’s shoes. She thought you were DEAD.”  
Scott stressed the last word and hereby gained Sara’s full attention. “Do you have any idea what she went through?” His eyes never wavered as he continued. “Do you know how many times I had to comfort her? How many times I held her sobbing body?”  
His expression became serious. “She wasn’t herself anymore. She wanted to die, Sara.”

A wrenching pain shot through her. Cora had told her a little about what had happened, but this was even worse.

“She missed you so much that she thought about killing herself.”  
Scott breathed out a deep sigh. “So, if being with Anya helped her in any way I'm glad.”

Sara felt tears filling her eyes and when she tried to blink them away one ran over her cheek. Sara remembered the moment Reyes had shot Suvi and how she had thought she would lose her. It had been the most gut wrenching feeling she had ever felt in her whole life. She didn’t know how or if she could live without her.

“Suvi didn't cheat on you. She'd never do that and you know it.”

Sara felt terrible. She hadn’t even given her the chance to explain. She couldn't hold back tears any longer and Scott pulled her into an embrace.

“I'm such an idiot,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

Scott smiled. “Yeah, you are.”

“I have to talk to her.” She kissed her brother's cheek and went to the door.

“Sara!”

She glanced over her shoulder.

“I'm glad you're back.”

She slightly nodded reciprocating his smile and then left. 

* * *

Suvi was aimlessly wandering around the common area of the Nexus. She had needed fresh air and although she knew there wasn’t any on a space station she had left her apartment to go for a walk.

Her head was a mess. Thoughts and memories were flooding her mind, tormenting her. She asked herself how her reunion with Sara could have gone so wrong. After a year of unspeakable pain and mourning, Sara had returned to her, just to leave her the next minute, because of what she had done on New Year’s Eve. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. She couldn’t believe it and the more she thought about it the more absurd it seemed to her. Everything.

Hearing the birds in the Hydroponic Gardens she realized that her wandering hadn’t been aimlessly after all. She headed for the tree with the bench and was relieved to find it empty. She sat down and let out a deep breath. She closed her eyes and listened to the birds singing. She knew they weren’t really there, that they were only a recording, but she didn’t mind. Preoccupied, she did something she hadn’t done for a long time.

“Why God? Why did you allow this to happen?” she whispered.

“It’s not His fault, you know.” A familiar voice suddenly startled her. Sara was looking at her, the scowl gone and replaced by a light smile.

“Sara, how did you…?”

“I asked around. May I?”

Suvi nodded and Sara sat down beside her.

“Please, don’t blame God for what happened.” She said with a soft voice.

Suvi avoided Sara’s eyes. “I’ve stopped talking to Him, shortly after you…”

The sadness in her lover’s face pierced Sara’s heart. “It was my decision to go on that planet. God gave us a free will, remember?” She gently touched Suvi’s cheek encouraging her to meet her gaze. “Don’t lose faith. That’s one of the things I love so much about you.” Seeing the doubt in her girlfriend’s face she added: “And I’m back, aren’t I?”

Suvi also managed a little smile.

Sara sighed regretfully. “I'm sorry I acted like a jealous asshole.”

Ashamed of her behavior earlier, she glanced around; she couldn’t hold Suvi's gaze. When her eyes wandered over to the tree she noticed the candle beneath it. She couldn’t quite make out what was written on it so she stood and picked it up to read what it said. She glanced at Suvi, fighting back tears as she pictured her lighting the candle for her.

“You put it there; for me.” She said softly. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this.” She put the candle back. “It must have been hell.”

“It was worse,” Suvi replied in a low voice.

Sara joined her again. They sat for a while watching the flame in silence, when Sara felt Suvi’s hand on her own.

“I missed you so much,” Suvi swallowed a lump in her throat and she looked at Sara with grief-stricken eyes. “I have never felt emptier in my whole life.” She couldn’t hinder the tears from falling when she continued: “But the numbness was even worse. I just wanted to feel again, to fill the emptiness and that’s when I…” She paused for a moment to prepare for what she was about to say. “That’s when I slept with her.”

Sara would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt to know that Suvi had been with another woman, but considering the circumstances, it was easier to understand.

“I thought that being with someone would make me feel again, but it didn’t work.” She wiped away the tears from her cheeks. “I felt more miserable than before.” She gazed at Sara and insisted: “It was only this one time.”

“I believe you,” Sara replied and she really did. “You don’t have to justify yourself. I was an ass earlier. I’m really sorry.”

“I was being unfair, too. I was angry and I said things I…” She sighed glancing at her hand which still rested on Sara’s and then she met her eyes again. “I never hated your job.”

“But why angry?” Sara honestly wanted to know. “Why did you run from me?”

Suvi squeezed her eyes shut.

“Because I was scared.” Her lip quivered and a sob threatened to choke off her voice.

“I can’t lose you again.” She couldn’t fight her feelings any longer and she dissolved into tears. Sara pulled her into a tight embrace and held her close. Suvi clung to Sara as if her life depended on it, afraid to lose her lover again the moment she would let go. She was a picture of misery and it broke Sara’s heart to see her in so much despair.

“Sshh,” Sara tried to calm her, stroking softly over her hair. “I will _never_ leave you again. I promise.” And she meant every word of it. She wanted to be there for the woman she loved. They had gone through too much already and it was time they were allowed to just be happy.

Sara’s embrace felt like home and it soothed Suvi's soul. When she slowly pulled away she wiped tears from her eyes. Her gaze traveled over Sara’s face and a hesitant hand came up to gently caress her cheek, brushing away a single tear with her thumb. She looked deeply into her eyes.

“God, how I love you.”

She bent forward and their lips met, softly at first. Gradually the kiss deepened and Suvi felt a familiar pulling in her stomach. When their tongues met she knew that not only her soul had missed Sara but her body as well. She needed her with all her being.

“Let’s go to my place,” she whispered, husky with emotions and growing passion.

* * *

When Suvi closed the door behind them she took Sara by the hand and led her to the bedroom, smiling seductively.  
Sara didn't have the time nor the want to take in her surroundings. As soon as they had reached the bed their hands worked at a feverish pace to rid themselves of their clothing. It didn’t take long and they were both naked.

“You still have it,” Sara remarked when she saw the necklace she had given to her lover.

“Of course I do.” Suvi had not one second thought about taking it off.

Her eyes now scanned Sara, taking in every detail of her body in need to rediscover it. The unmasked desire in Suvi’s eyes made Sara’s body weak.

Suvi’s hands were moving to her face pulling her closer so that she could kiss her soft and beautiful lips again. Sara parted her lips in a moan, Suvi’s tongue entering her mouth. They kissed until they were breathless and when they parted for an instant Suvi gently pushed Sara down until she was lying on her back. Suvi crawled on top of her, straddling her hips. She bent down and captured her lips again.

Her fingers began to delicately run along soft skin and Sara shivered lightly beneath the touch. Suvi’s mouth moved to Sara’s jaw, nipping playfully at it. She had a soft spot for her jaw and so she remained there for a while before her lips continued to travel, never staying in one place too long. As she continued moving down, she noticed Sara shifting beneath her, wanting her to keep traveling lower.

After a short stop at her lover’s collarbone, Suvi went on to her breasts and when her lips brushed against a nipple, Sara took in a sharp breath. Suvi was caressing one nipple with her thumb and she captured the other one in her mouth. It felt so good to smell and touch Sara’s skin again. Her tongue continued to paint a sizzling trail down her body, claiming every inch of it and Sara’s hips thrust forward, the spot between her legs aching for attention.

Suvi’s desire was more consuming than ever before, her arousal infinite.

Suvi let her lips wander further down until they reached their goal. Scanning Sara with her ocean blue eyes she let her thumb lightly dance over the sensitive skin of her lover’s clit. Sara moaned; her head was thrown back, eyes closed. She rocked beneath her, responding to her every touch and Suvi knew she wanted more. Sliding her hands under Sara’s bottom, she lifted her pink, open sex to her mouth, blowing her warm breath against her moist folds. Sara gasped at the incredible sensation and reflexively arched into her.

Suvi ran her tongue sensually between her folds savoring every drop of Sara’s wetness. She had missed her scent and taste so much that she felt her own wetness increase. Her tongue traced circles around Sara’s clit, slowly teasing.

“Oh my God, Suvi, please,” Sara begged in a husky voice. Her fingers tangled in Suvi’s ginger hair, pressing her down.

Suvi grinned and then she began to lick the sensitive flesh, darting over it in a steady rhythm. She could feel Sara’s clit grow and swell with each caress and she skillfully increased the pressure. Her tongue was relentless bringing Sara closer and closer with each stroke. Sara’s chest was rising and falling quickly, and it took one last stroke and she stiffened as her climax overtook her, her sex contracting wildly. Suvi’s lips held her swollen nub still softly sucking it until Sara couldn’t bear more. Still trembling from the orgasm she pulled Suvi up and met her lips in a hungry kiss. She moaned as she tasted herself on those lips.

When they slowly broke the kiss Suvi gazed at her with soft eyes. “I missed you, I missed you so much,” she whispered.

Sara pulled her in to place a soft kiss on her forehead. “I won’t leave you again,” she replied genuinely.

Suvi smiled and lay down beside her. She rested her head against her shoulder, an arm curled around her waist. In that very moment she felt complete again. The other half of her soul had returned to her and the emptiness she had felt was gone.   
Suvi knew that it would still take some time to fathom everything that had happened, but they had all the time in the world now. There was one thing though that hadn’t left her mind since she had thought about it the first time.

“Sara?”

“Hm?”

“What happened to you on that planet?”

Sara frowned, taken aback by the question. “What?”

Suvi sighed propping herself up on one arm to look at her love. “Do you remember anything?”

Sara smiled at the visible curiosity in her lover’s eyes.

“I do,” she replied and then she began to tell the story from the beginning. She told her that she was kept in a dark, weightless place and that she was very scared. She continued telling how the entity had talked to her and how much its voice had hurt her in the beginning. She then went on with explaining that this alien life form called Washot, disguised itself as planet to regenerate in Elaaden’s sun every three million years.

Suvi hang on to every word Sara said and when she had finished, she remarked in wonder: “That’s incredible. It’s a shame we don’t have any samples.”  
She thought about the empty bags the crew had brought back from their mission. All the samples had disappeared the same moment as the planet, which made sense since they were part of the lifeform.

“Yeah,” Sara agreed. “They already went back into hiding. I wish I could've learned more about them.”

Suvi’s expression became thoughtful. “I’m sorry they hurt you so much.”

“Don’t worry, I’m okay,” Sara assured.

“Let’s talk about something else,” she added gently brushing her hand through Suvi’s hair. “I like your new hairstyle.”

Suvi glanced at her incredulously. “You don’t.”

Sara wrinkled her nose. “I do, it’s just that I like your shorter hair better. But you’re beautiful either way.”

Suvi smiled and leaned forward to gently brush her lips against Sara’s. “I love you, Sara Ryder.” She didn’t give Sara the chance to reply anything as she covered Sara’s mouth with hers again. The kiss was soft at first, but gained passion fast. When Suvi began to nibble down to her jaw, Sara grinned. “You really like my jaw, don't you?”

“Oh, I love your jawline. It's art and it makes me…” Suvi raised both eyebrows. “Wet.”

Sara's mouth fell open. “Dr. Anwar!”

Suvi chuckled and kissed her lover once more. She later didn't remember how many times they had sex on that day.

  
The Next Day

Sara left director Tann's office, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. The conversation with him had been surprisingly pleasant. She couldn't wait to tell Suvi about it who was supposed to be waiting here for her. Sara's eyes darted around scanning for her girlfriend. She turned when she suddenly heard her call her name.

A big smile appeared on her face and she couldn't fight back tears of emotion when she saw her. Suvi had cut her hair and was wearing the old hairstyle again Sara loved so much.

She stopped in front of Sara and smiled, running a hand through her hair. “And, what do you think?”

Sara placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I love it. But you didn't have to.”

“I know, but I prefer it like this, too.” The only reason she had let her hair grow was the depression that had followed the news of Sara's death. She just didn't have the strength or the wish to have a cut.

“How did it go?” She inquired glancing at Tann's office.

“Good, better than I thought. I got the job.”

A happy smile appeared on Suvi's face and she gave her a hug. “Hey, that's great news.” Pulling away her expression became serious. “And he's ok with you not being the Pathfinder anymore?”

Sara looked down at her hands. “Yes.”

A suspicious frown wrinkled Suvi’s forehead. “Are you?”

Sara glanced at her lover again and there was a hint of sadness in her eyes when she responded: “Yes. Cora's doing a great job. I don't want to take that from her.”

Suvi took her hands into hers gazing into her eyes. “Are you sure? Please be honest with me.”

“I am. I promise. I love you so much; I don't want you to ever worry about me again.”

“So, Nexus security then?”

Sara laughed. “Yeah, I bet Scott will not be amused.”

“Aw, he'll get over it.”

“Oh, Tann said that the technical team on Meridian is still working on a solution regarding SAM. They are confident that the connection can be restored.”

“I'm so happy for you. Do you miss him?”

Sara pondered for an instant. “I think I do, yes. He's a part of me.”

Suvi nodded understanding. For a moment everything seemed like a dream. When she had woken up yesterday morning, she had still believed the love of her life was dead, but now she was here, standing right before her. _‘Thank you, God,’_ she thought glancing up. _‘You haven't given up on me.’_

Sara brought a soft hand to her cheek. “A credit for your thoughts.”

“I love you, Sara.”

Sara smiled. “I love you, too.”

Suvi leaned forward and their lips met in a soft kiss. Time stopped. The world around them stood still.

_‘I’m home,”_ Suvi thought smiling into the kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had thought about using the entity again, but this was all we've seen of it- for now at least.


End file.
